Wow, sometimes there is just no way to downshift fast enough for your life circumstances.School was such a pressure cooker and then mom died, school is over and I am at a loss to know what to do with myself. It isn't as if there aren't a million things to be done and yet somehow, I don't have the heart for any of these things. I am staring down the barrel of Carlie's wedding and moving out of state and I feel as if someone has torn out the place my heart used to be. It never ceases to astound me how the grieving process is messy, painful, and leaves you gasping for oxygen.
I understand intellectually that I need to marshall my emotions and energy to the tasks that need to be done, I have not yet been able to do this.
Yesterday I was blessed to be able to share a Diet Coke with a dear Christian friend who sat and simply listened to me cry and pour out my heart to her. It is such a gift to give to someone, to listen and never say "It will get better." You are a gift from God Sonja and I love and appreciate you so much!
Meanwhile, today is another day and I have to get on with life and the things that are required of me. It still seems so odd to me that the world keeps turning even as my world seems to have crashed down around me.
So for today, I will plant my feet on the Rock, look upward, and belive that the sun will once again shine on my face,the dark days will recede, and I will find joy in the moment. Mom would have wanted it that way.